I went to Glastonbury yesterday, for the very first time. Now for weeks I knew this was on the cards as it was for my best friend’s birthday. The problem is that I do not exactly fit in with the other people who went and I knew from the start this could be a problem but the day wasn’t about me it was about my friend. So off I went with my boys hoping to have a good time.
I am not sure if I set myself up for failure, if I am getting grumpier and probably should of stayed at home or if the differences between us was just too much for me to handle on that day. I kept my mouth shut all day while we were all together which wasn’t a lot as my boys wanted to look around the shops before we went up the Tor, plus they all walked off before I had finished my drink and conversation with some friends I had met there. No one had mentioned where they were going so instead of stressing about keeping up with every one figured we would do our thing and meet them at the top. A little back ground on some of the other people who were there … they don’t like me. I am a freak, a bad parent, a bad influence and my way of life and thinking is wrong. The negative energies I picked up on the way there were horrid and almost made me cry several times. So much negativity, ignorance of other peoples way of life. I am quite hard on my kids it seems but then again i know i have a different view on parenting. They have to earn things, realise that there is a budget and that I will not be spoken to with disrespect.
With my youngest being the way he is at the moment, filled with fizzy pop and ‘junk’ meant that he was not at his best yesterday when we got there. Lots of attitude all aimed in my direction of cause. This wasn’t the best experience or the one I was hoping for my first ever Glastonbury trip. Goodness I was so stressed and over whelmed I could not fight back my tears and broke down a couple of times, all while trying to keep it together for the kids. My emotions are all over the place I don’t have answers so the first few hours seemed like hell. I was worried that my friend would I was being rude by not going around in the group we went with, and yes I can see how it could be seen as rude that there is no excuse for, I couldn’t explain to her why I keep myself to myself as putting her in the situation of trying to please everyone especially as she was already getting stress for the time spent with me and the friends we met there and for wanting to show me and the boys as much as she can. So I gave her strict instructions to do whatever she needed to do to have a stress free and good birthday, I said I understood her position and really didn’t mind them doing their thing. After all we are all grownups .. or so I thought or at least hoped. It wasn’t all bad as we were going round the shops. In fact there were loads of great parts, shops and people. I walked around a town where for once that wasn’t at a festival I didn’t stick out, I wasn’t seen as a freak in fact I blended in and even got asked directions to a shop someone was looking for. I gave advice to a lady who had gotten herself into a bit of a tight spot with a love spell that had gone wrong, well actually really right but she now wanted to break it. There was one thing that happened though that threw me a little as I have not experienced it before. A lovely lady covered her mouth when I smiled at her. I have read that superstitions regarding witches and stealing souls.. A little along the line of covering your mouth when you yawn so the devil cannot get in. Bloody Christians. But the shops, oh my goodness the shops, I was like a chocoholic given free rein in Cadburys world. Ok so I didn’t have any money and the only thing I managed to get was a rather large bag of mugwort. Admittedly this also didn’t help my mood either.
My youngest mood though changed as soon as we got to the bottom of the Tor. He ran up that hill like he was being pulled up by a rope. At the top he hugged his brother and it was beautiful, we met three others who made a beautiful song for my friend and a laughing circle J I do love making new friends even if they’d had a drink or drugs they were nice, friendly and full of love for everyone. This too was spoilt by more negativity and ignorance from the rest of the group. My oldest managed to meditate and talk to his granddad and feel the connection he had lost, he is grounded as is my youngest who has been amazing since too.
All this has taken so much out of me, today I have done nothing but cry and it has been brewing for days. It isn’t as though I feel better than anyone else and look down on them. I notice the differences so much, miss conversations with others who think the same as me. I could see how much fun the others were having, joking around which ok wasn’t the type of things that I find fun or funny but they were having fun. I couldn’t wrap my head around how narrow minded some were it made no sense to me at all … does this make me narrow minded? Perhaps it was because some of the time my ideals were being questioned, the way I do things, my parenting, what I feel is important, heck it was like being at school or on a school trip all over again. Perhaps that is why I was quiet. Then again I am a quiet person, I sit, I take things in and I think. As I tactfully told one judgmental person yesterday, “I have always been taught to be honest but at the same time if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all” which was a much better reply than going with my gut and drop kicking someone off the Tor.
The more I write the more I’m thinking that perhaps I am coming across ungrateful for the opportunity I had yesterday, but I know I am not. Perhaps I am coming across bitchy but that also isn’t my intent as that would be very much not like me. Who knows but either way I am hoping for a much better experience next time I go.
Either way the whole things has left me down and over whelmed with sadness.
I do love the fact I didn’t stick out for once and felt part of something beautiful. I don’t want to be like ‘norms’ perhaps I am a hippie snob if there is such a thing, not that I don’t agree with how others choose to live their lives, I don’t understand it but don’t put judgments on it, I accept the world and the people in it are all different and that I cannot expect to get along with everyone and for them to like me……………
Lots of head stuff hurts.