I have been tagged by my beautiful friend Mummy on the edge to talk about who my role models are.So you can fully blame her for this post.
I was tagged by which is of course why I am writing this blog post. As soon as I read the title I instantly decided that I didn’t have any, to me this made no sense and lead to thinking!! Yes I know shock horror something made me think. “How can you be the person you are without having a role model of some kid, shape or form?”
Role model. Noun, a person looked to by others as an example to be imitated. A role model is someone who other individuals aspire to be like, either in the present or in the future. A role model may be someone who you know and interact with on a regular basis, or may be someone who you’ve never met, such as a celebrity. Common role models include well known actors, public figures such as police men or political officials, teachers or other educators, and parents or other family members.
So let me think, who do I exactly look up to? The first two people that come to mind are my grandparents; I have looked up to them for as long as I can ever remember. My grandad who is also my hero taught me to be honest without much tact, taught me to respect my elders, all my gardening knowledge and a strong work ethic in everything you do, oh and also stubbornness. My grandma gave me my knowledge and started my interest in paganism, herbalism and magick. She also taught me how to cook with importance put on quality home grown produce. The main thing I will always be more than grateful for is her unconditional support in me being an individual she would always make comments like “leave her alone at least she isn’t a sheep” to my grandad, who may I point out strongly disproved of me ‘sticking out’ to the point where I would often get the comment of “if I ever saw you in the street I would bloody cross over the road” together they have been my constant support, even at 35 if things are getting stressful the first place I want to be in my grandmas arms or hugging my grandad while being told “you soppy bugger, you’re soft in the head” my grandad passed last year, it was for the best as his suffering had gone on for years, he is still very much with us though making his presence known, it is comforting to know he is still watching over me because there are times when every girl needs her grandad.
After this I rechecked the definition of the term role model. Looking down the list I instantly ticked no for actors, mainly due to the fact I don’t really have a clue with names of celebrities. I thought the same to start off with public figures until a song came into my head from when I was young, I knew as an adult I more than admire this person but hadn’t made a connection to my childhood. The person I am talking about is Nelson Mandela so of cause it goes without saying that the song in question was “free Nelson Mandela” hmmm ok I am showing my age although looking back I wasn’t actually very old. Going to back to the awesomeness of my grandma she explained things to me about most things and must of done with him as I can remember how not only was there a man willing to risk his life for what is right but also a huge community supporting him and wanting his freedom. An early sign to me, of how people can be and do the most amazing things to ever walk the earth giving me hope in the world. I may not have realised it at the time or to that extent due to my age but now I am reflecting on things I can see how an early trait I now hold strong as an adult could have started.
As far as role models go this is it, or so I though. All of that still left me with questions on what influenced me in becoming who I am now. of cause my life experience is highly accountable but there still has to be something in order for me to keep going, keep holding it together and keep me doing the things I deem to be right. Where did I get my fight from? Where did I get my sense of right from? Other than my grandparents and Mr Mandela. This made me frown for some time so used the frowning thinking stage to make a start on dinner. It was while putting the foil over the pork that it hit me. I have more Anti role models.
I have had what now seems ‘a deeper sense of understanding’ of how things make other feel. My childhood wasn’t ideal let’s say. I looked at how they were as parents and step parents, how it affected us and decided I would never do that to my child. I never got the support off my mother when I needed it the most, I felt deserted by the one person I thought I could count on no matter what. I accept and understand these days that she was going through abuse too and didn’t make the conscious decision to be that way, it is how it turned out to be. This also made me decide I would always support my kids 100%, get their back and teach them the life skills I was never taught.
Also when I was younger and going through more of my life experiences support at school and college was poor. Feeling all alone in a huge scary world where most of what you go through is secret, all energy is put into this and coping with daily life, as well as trying to fit in when you knew you wouldn’t no matter how hard you tried because you kind of liked ‘thinking different’ on top of all your school work and for me at the time dancing was a huge pressure. No one stopped to listen, no one believed me and more importantly no one helped. I figure that is why I have a house that doubles up as a youth club. I swore to myself at an early age that if I was ever put in a position where someone needed help I would do all that I could for that person. The amount of young people that come round with so many issues makes you realise that the generations seem to of lost focus on the important things in life; I am not pointing the finger at any one generation either as they are all linked.
I see how other parents are with their children, the ‘norms’ have always confused me with their parenting, there are a few parallels to my upbringing so perhaps that is what make me go grrr. I cannot understand how these adults forgot what it was like to be a kid and that they are little people born through no choice of their own. My parenting style has always been described by ‘the norms’ as bad. I explain to my kids why they should or shouldn’t do something; I do my best to explain most things to them. I do not scare them into doing as they are told by smacking, yes my way is harder for me but parenting isn’t always easy. I make them take responsibility for their actions and for their life. No they do not do whatever they want instead they have ground rules and boundaries. If they stick to these then they know life is pretty much a walk in the park. Literally at times too. Super nanny helped of cause and this has lead to some of my parenting skills be accepted. Those parents that still make me frown are my parenting anti role models. I figure that if the parents who don’t approve of how I do things are the same ones giving their toddlers energy drinks in a bottle, swearing at them calling them twats and generally use tech to look after the kids they chose to have, then I am to be glad they think I am a freak.
The majority of human kind seem to be my anti role model to how I want to be; they worry over what I consider to be silly unimportant things and what is only ever best for them. Maybe that is the tired grumpy me coming through as it has been a long week, but I am hoping you know what I mean. The combination of my life with the way I see things would be my one true role model that influenced the person I am today. There are still some tweaks needing doing but I am working on that.
I would like to end on a more positive note though to point out that in adult hood I have sought out role models in my circle of friends and my other half. They help me be who I am which at time is more than needed.