So today is supposed to be my day off, the day where I get to do the things that I want to do rather than what I need to do. Today however things are not going to plan.
Yesterday sucked, turns out the past 4-5 months of planning for the coming season business wise has had to go all out of the window and I am now left with trying to work out how I am going to get an income from May onwards. I am feeling so over whelmed and deflated but with the line of work I am in I cannot afford to sit down and hide under the duvet for a few days until I feel up to yet another fight with what life keeps throwing at me. So much for this year’s going more to plan than the last.
Perhaps I am just not supposed to do well career or business wise? Are the voices from the past true? Am I actually not good enough for anything other than just having kids? Yes my head is a mess once again so I can either dwell on the negative or get out my brain and try to work this whole things out, on my own, without relying on anyone so then I cannot be let down as I am more than pissed off holding out hope that things are going to change because I have help from other people, only to be let down and expected to get on with it anyway.
Cost: it cannot have too much of an outlay, either stall cost or price of stock. Nothing I can really do about stall cost as that is out of my control but is the one of the main hurdles I will not be able to get over, so there isn’t anything I can do other than try and find smaller venues where stall price isn’t going to mean we don’t eat for a week.. Stock isn’t too hard as I am only using recycled, reused materials. All of my ‘business’ money has ran out meaning I am back onto using money from my tax credit top ups, which is also the only income I have.
Locality: I am going to have to find very local festivals, places to sell my stock. The joys of not being able to drive, this is of course also going to have a huge impact on out lay costs too. Public transport isn’t the most cost effective especially as I am going to have to take my youngest with me unless he is at his dads. Maybe many stalls in my local market town? Hmmm more research.
Eco & Ethical: yes I can hear some of the moans and groans now but this is really important to me. I do not want to be the type of person who doesn’t think twice about getting things for as cheap as possible from any source I can so I can make as much money as I can. That just isn’t the person I am. I would rather keep my integrity and live in a box eating out of bins than somewhere down the line take advantage of others and the negative situations they are in. Apparently this is one of my down falls in life. I am constantly told “it is how the world works” “but you have to think of yourself” “other people do it” “it is all part of business you cannot care about such things ” “things are the way they are and you are not going to change that” and well I have never been ok with that way of thinking and I never will be. Some say I bite my nose off to spite my face but for me there is no line between who I am and my ethical stance on life. I am in the middle of researching online ways of doing things, because I do accept that it has its more positive points too so this is going to take up a lot of thinking, more research and planning.
Either way the dead line for me working this out is by Sunday evening giving me next week to send out emails, letters, call people where needed etc. I cannot see me actually getting much work done next week as it is half term and my youngest will need plenty of one to one to keep him on track with things.
I better get on with it all I guess, after all I cannot carry on blogging as a way of avoiding doing the things I need to. I can not help but wonder what the universe is going to throw at me next, or just where I will get the energy to keep on fighting from, I can but hope that I can really turn this around…. has to be better than giving in and going on benefits doesn’t it?