After spending the past four-weeks finding it hard to get out of bed I awoke yesterday with more of a clear head. The negative unhelpful thoughts were still there in my head making it known that they are all still awake but only just flagging as they are hanging slightly after a very disruptive party, leaving them all to it I switched the light off and left them to rest, giving me enough quiet head time to breathe the stress out without tears. It was lovely.
My personal card reading for the day was The Shaman of Loss, an interesting card but it gave me focus that I wanted to carry on with me for the rest of the day. As mentioned in previous posts a card reading helps with my focus as the sense of things happening for a reason generally bring purpose rather than the feeling of hopelessness that can wash over you in darker times. A way of clawing back the slightest bit of strength needed to carry on from day-to-day.
Before popping into town I double checked my bank account so I knew exactly how much I had to spend on veg from the market to get us through until our fruit and veg box arrives tomorrow. The balance came up which confused me, there was over a hundred more than I was expecting this never happens especially when it is from the government. It turns out it is money they own me as now my only income is now from my own business rather than having a top up income from the leisure trust. It has taken this long to sort out as waiting for my P45 took over a month.
After town and treating me to a lovely carrot and parsnip slice … nom nom nom … my head had started to get a bit of fight back all be it blurred a touch by being physically unwell. A plan of action has started to be created in my head and for the whole day not one tear fell down my cheek.
The New Moon on Tuesday seems to be saying sorry for how the past moon phase affected me. Is this the start of me finally going to be able to deal with the emotions and thought patterns i already thought had been overcome but has actually been pushed back into the back of my mind? Only time will tell.
The card i pulled today was from the Gaia Oracle and has answered that question for me, or should I say means the ability for healing to begin.