The weekly roundup for last week is rather late; I did write this last night but completely forgot to post it. I know how you were all looking forward to reading it!! Lol anyway here it is…
It has been a little bit of an odd one, Monday started off in its usual way of stress mixed with trying to not cry every half an hour. Up until then I had been a mess for weeks, my other half not really knowing what to do. He like most men are very hands on with having to fix things there and then, needless to say it doesn’t work every now and again and when it is me battling against myself he tends to stay away or keep his distance. It hurts but it is understandable as I drive myself nuts and really am not much fun to be around. It has left me with not knowing where I stand with support, a lot is going to be needed all of the time if I am to sort my life out so we are going to have to find the time to sit down and talk about this fully. (Me and him not me and you “the reader”) I never thought it would ever be possible to meet someone like him who I could love with every part of my being, and as the saying doing the twitter round states… All relationships go through shit Real relationships get though shit, believing we are the latter helps.
Tuesday was of course the New Moon and my work buddy day with Chris. I did have to do my shopping in the morning which sucked but at least I managed to make it home before breaking down into tears. The rest of the day was hard keeping myself on track with things I had to do although I love having some company with the work side of things, mainly because we are both in the same line of work, we can bounce ideas off each other and philosophise to our hearts content, we are on the same spiritual page so to speak which leads to less mocking.
Tuesday also marked what seems to be my new Moon Cup day, I have gone from being in tune with the full moon to being in tune with the New moon, and it would also explain why I had two last month. The moon cup is still making me happy, or as happy as these things can. Goodness knows why the eww factor stopped me from using them before as the odd occasional need to have to fish right in there to retrieve it is now done in a split second. (Note to new Mooncup users … do not trim it too short)
Then Wednesday morning happened. It started with the usual Wednesday-ness. My eldest son in bed after not returning from a house party until 5:30am! My youngest being happy and ready for the day, heck that kid still has not been sent on time out, his room is still clean and he more than a joy to have around the home once again it has been three weeks of this behaviour from him at home. School is a different story as they still cannot get him under control. Do not get me wrong he has still been grumpy at times and not wanted to do certain things but all it has taken is a warning to keep him on track. I didn’t realise that I had not cried yet that morning until he had gone to school, I felt a little better so made a list of things I needed to sort out. Double checking my bank account I noticed I had extra money in there!! Worried I instantly chased it up to be told it was ok that money was mine …SCORE. It isn’t as much as I have lost on stall bookings for this year but it does give me about £70 to put into my business, as well as being able to get food.
The rest of the week started to see much less crying and saw some of my fight starting to come back.. With the exception of being on pain killers after collapsing the previous weekend, I am far from being out of the deep end but at least I can keep myself afloat with not so many leaky eye moments.
My eldest has been mixed .. he still has the stinking 18 year old attitude towards life and responsibilities, this is being dealt with but I do remember how much it sucked the first time I realised that real life could really suck and cost far too much money.
My youngest as mentioned above has been great, until he came back from his father’s last night. He usually goes from the Friday evening to Sunday evening and let us just say that routines, healthy eating and actually looking after your kids in what I consider to be a ‘proper way’ doesn’t appear to be anywhere near his style of parenting. So when we get him back he is over tired, smells of dog and smoke, is so hungry he eats twice the usual portion size and is the grumpiest angriest little man you could ever meet. He does enjoy going though, so at the moment the decision is being left up to him. I could rant on for hours on this subject but the short of it I have had a few strong words and if things do not change then I will have no choice but to be the mean mum / bitch and stop contact until he has cleaned his act together.
I am a little reluctant to mention how I am starting to get some fight back in me, that there is once again a light at the end of the tunnel but I am unsure and scared of it right now.