Yes this isn’t the end on this subject
I am still getting questions back from different people which may take a while. Then I will blog all my findings and my view of it all. I did think I should post my answers to the questions and remember if you want to get involved you can either link to this blog and post your own or send me an email entitled “count me in” to email@example.com
Division of labour in the home questions: remember you do not have to answer any questions you do not want to.
What is your age? 35
What sex are you? I’m a lady … honest.
Are you in a relationship? Yes for nearly seven years
If yes is it a same sex or opposite sex relationship? Opposite
Does any one person in the relationship spend more time at home than the other? Yes, me.
If so who and roughly how much more? I work from home so am here pretty much 24-7 he works full time usually 6-7 days a week but out of the home so is here for about 4 hours a day.
Do you follow a Religion or spiritual practice? I do he doesn’t.
If yes what is it you believe? I’m a Pagan Witch, so hugging trees to magick spells.
Do you have children? yes
If yes how many and what are their ages & sex? Two boys aged 18 and 11
Who does what in the house? The boys have their chores to do. I do everything else.
If you are in a relationship where one person works does the work load change when they have a day off? I have help if I ask, but he tends to do his own things to take a break from working. He doesn’t have many days off.
How was it all decided or did it just seem to happen? I think it was just taken for granted because I did it all before we started dating, also I work from home so I’m here all the time. If it is bought up in conversation I feel like a bitch for nagging.
Do you feel your Religion or Spiritual practice influenced the decision? No
If you have children do they help out in the house, or if they are not old enough yet are you planning on getting them to help out? Mainly the kitchen and their rooms, they help out with cooking, do their own washing, and help in the garden. They tend to cook a lot of their own meals and are both young carers.
How do you really feel about the division of labour in your home? I personally think it sucks, the kids are fine but this is something I am really trying to work on with my other half because it drives me nuts. If I get help it has to be asked for most of the time. I think he thinks it is ok as he financially contributes to the running of things. What annoys me is no matter if he is working or not he seems to get to chose what he does with his day, no matter how I am feeling I still have to get up with the kids, clean work etc. As I work from home it appears I have time to work and sort the house and kids out all by myself and it is starting to take its toll.
Do you feel that your role in the home and how you really feel about the situation influences the decision in how you decide what the kids do/will do? I have always felt strongly about letting them be independent so if anything happened to me they could look after themselves and of course so they have the ability not to have to rely on their future partner to do things for them. My other half quite happily didn’t use a washing machine until he was 30.
Do you feel your own experience as a child influences the decisions over who does what Yes, I was always told to do things because I was told to do it. The thing is it did mean that when I had my eldest son and got my own house I knew what to do, being young at the time, and looking at kids around me now of that age I was lucky to of learnt the skills needed to survive. I make sure my kids know that we are a team and we help each other out, we have always been like this too as I am not their slave, and they are not mine. They may grumble still when I ask them to do things like most kids at times but it still gets done.
My other half was never made to help out in the home at all and had it quite easy lol
Is there anything else you would like to add? I do love my other half to bits and we have great times together. But on this subject we don’t seem to see eye to eye. My working from home doesn’t appear to be taken seriously in the slightest which hurts. I would very much like it if he understood that from 9am until 4pm is my work time, not my ‘catch up on the housework time’ of course once school ends I still have a tonne of work to do … as you do when you are your own boss, so try and do that, keep my youngest occupied, full one to one when needed, sort out dinner etc wow I am starting to sound like a bitch…. I am just fed up with doing it by myself most of the time. No one asks me to clean up, or thanks me for it. I don’t have anyone telling me what needs to be done I have to work it all out by myself, I am expected to plan meals, what washing needs to be done the list could go one but my bitch radar has already gone off twice in this post so I am going to leave it there