This is the fourth week into the summer holidays and I seem to have got seriously behind with work. Not surprising I know with everything that has been going on but I spent most of last few weeks in a not very good way, the reality is I really need to find work. My usual summer contracts are no longer due to the youth clubs closing, those that are still going are having to use their budgets for more important things than hiring out someone else to come in a deliver sessions. I have brought down my prices because let us face it any money is better than no money. All my savings are now gone, credit card almost maxed out and all because I have very little work lined up.
When I started out on my own my business was just about hula hoops, mainly just making them and doing a little bit of teaching, then came the natural progression into some of the basic circus skills I know and could make the ‘toys’ for. I always knew this would be short lived as hooping became popular and every one now seems to be doing it. I now cannot compete in that market for one reason or another. I still make the hoops though which I love doing, I hardly get to hoop myself these days and as for learning anything new, apart from the odd times in the garden when I’m just playing around with things I don’t have anyone to learn from, struggle to find the time to practice etc I am still at the same basic level I was 3 years ago.
Before my creative artistic side was just something I did for fun for me and no one else although I did used to throw it away or burn it. Then last year I was brave and started hiring out a space in a local shop and to my surprise, I started selling some of the things I created. Only a little but this gave a big boost to my own skills and abilities. Nowhere near as much to earn a wage though. I also have the holistic and complementary therapy sides of things which is slowly getting off the ground but I am having the same problem as I always have … no money to put into it all and no bits of paper saying that I am more than capable of doing it.
I have tried applying for jobs, and I am still trying but you see when you have to leave the qualifications part blank and the medical part isn’t big enough, not that for a million years would I put down my health issues in full detail.
So now I am trying to live off the working tax top ups as well as child tax leaving us with £77 per week. Then here comes the brave/stupid/doing what I have to thing which is using £25 of that per week for the space in the shop and for a room I am hiring out to work in. The mess in the house is driving me to tears, ok not so much mess it is just that my front room isn’t big enough to house all of my work things. Having a work space means I do not have as much stuff in my house, I get out of the house every day and when I am there I am fully focused not having to think about the washing up, dinner, folding washing etc like I do when trying to work from home. Another thing is that Morgan gets to go and spend all day in the park playing and keeping him active, you know like we used to do when we were little during the summer holidays. He doesn’t have to be stuck around the house because I have work to do.
So now we are trying to live off £52 per week which is a challenge and a half but I cannot see any other way of doing it, I have only me who can make money to bring into the house, I cannot get a job so this is the only other thing I could think of doing.
I am going into business with my best friend, ok so it is us two self-employed people working together to try and make our way in the world. We make faery wings, head dresses and all things Fae related, or will eventually so this has to be my main focus for now. I do feel as though I am running on empty all of the time, I am not sleeping due to everything else that is going on in my life and its feeling as though I am all on my own trying to keep everything together.