For the past five months at least everything has been all over the place, relationships, family life, and my blogging or lack of has reflected this. I thought about trying to get a structure into my blogging, but as ever I think the structure will be that there is no structure, that is stays as my brain sees fit without pretence no hidden agendas, just me and my brain telling you how I see things at the time. Needless to say I am now trying to get back on track seems as though it is a couple of weeks back into the school term.
Talking of which, Morgan went up into year 8 and so far has only had one detention, which he forgot about and that has landed him in the behaviour bungalow for a whole school day tomorrow!! I really am hoping that this type of thing wouldn’t happen this year as the schools way of dealing with ‘trouble’ is to whack on high sanctions at the slightest little thing in order to make the children aware of the rules and boundaries from the start. This works on the children who care about not getting into trouble or for those in control of their behaviour. Morgan falls into the latter. Many times the school have been told by me that if they wish for him to remember he has an afterschool detention then they will have to go and fetch him from the last lesson and take him to it, if you do not he will forget. This is what makes it hard for me as a parent. He forgets what he is doing while actually doing it and loses focus at the slightest little thing, the school sees this as me making excuses for his behaviour or that he is lying but last night when he came home from school and I told him about the missed detention he had a complete melt down, calling himself stupid, that now he is going to get into more trouble and he just wants to get on with things. I am so frustrated that the school treat him like any other child and will do until we actually have a label put down on a piece of paper saying , which we are trying to get but in the mean time they do not seem to care about what I am telling them. There is also nothing I can do I stop sanctions for things I do not think he needs them for, I hate the fact that the school right now seem to have more power than I have when I am his mother. So I have a meeting with them in the morning, new teachers, new year head but I do have a little bit of back up this time in the way of assessments already being made, more in place even though the waiting list is rather long and I have been told could take another school year until he has a statement. The school are seeing it all as excuses, the same goes with home work. They get a couple of pieces a night which I have been told should only take them between half an hour and an hour to do …. For Morgan it takes between 2-4 hours per piece, depending on what subject and how tired he is, this is with constant one to one so what type of a life is he actually having? Let me break it down for you, he gets on average 8 pieces set per week (based on last week) that means it will take anywhere between 16 – 32 hours for this to get completed
he gets in at 4pm
Dinner is between 5 and 6pm to which he helps me with
he has a bath at 7pm
Bed time between 8-8:30 pm
Weekends are a little different but I do make an effort to take him out and do something with him for most of the day on both days because that is what you do when you have children, you spend time with them, have fun, explore the world, learn new things together.
So when exactly is he supposed to homework which isn’t legally required for in schools just a recommendation. Or is he not allowed a life outside of education?
This issue with homework is now leading to him having negatives in lessons for handing in homework late or not at all. He is told “I’m fed up of hearing excuses” “that’s not good enough” and all that makes me want to do is scream. Honestly how dare they judge my son like that, how dare they not take the word of the parent into consideration in the slightest and just presume it’s all lies. After 3 negatives they get more sanctions etc why is it so focused on the negative especially when it has been proved not to actually work with children like my son?
Do not get me wrong I am trying to keep him on top of his home work so he doesn’t fall behind because I do feel it can be important. But there is also only so much he can do and that I can do, it is just me after all in all of this; I have to work and look after the house. I have given up on the thought of having any form of a life for at the minute I have an existence and that is it and for now that is how it has to be.
For the whole of last year I bowed down to the school, let them have ‘the power’ over Morgan with regards to his education, hell I have done this for far too long and this year it is going to be different. I will simply not give the school permission to sanction him over the things that are not his fault, such as lack of concentration, lack of focus, forgetting detentions, or being late on home work. If for example a teacher goes into the last lesson at the end to take him to a detention for something I fully support i.e. disruptive behaviour and then he kicks off and refuses to go then that will be a whole different matter. It has been seven years of fighting for Morgan to get the support he needs, yes I am tired with it all, yes I am fed up of shouting from the roof tops that my son is not a bad kid, that he sees the world differently and this isn’t a bad thing and it is more than about time people realised this. If he was a naughty kid I would be the first to draw the line, I am not making excuses for my son in the slightest, I am not a soft parent, most of the time I am a stressed, tired, teary parent trying to keep things together as best as she can despite everything that life throws her way. I do not have a break, days off work are spent catching up on house work, or shopping, or spending time with my boy … which as many of my friends can vouch for takes a lot of energy.
So the school are going to see a different me tomorrow …. I shall of course let you know how it goes.