It’s Thursday and time I picked myself off and dusted myself down ready to fight the next fight, I’m not beating myself up about the fact I hid from everything an have been a mess, no doubt I shall have more days like it in the future but as far as today goes I’m getting there.
You see on my down days my head goes into over drive, arguments, debates, solutions, tantrums and hugs …. Who said having mental health issues is always bad. Each voice is like a separate person with their own personalities although my CPN once said never to name them so I don’t lol
So today I woke up feeling a bit better, I’ve grabbed onto this feeling like my life depended on it, which I guess in a way it does.
I am a list maker, always have been and it usually starts with a list comprising of the lists I need to make, set reminders in my phone to track everything and to make sure I do not forget anything.
I am going to be doing lots of creating over the next few days then in Sunday is the day I’m tackling my finances. No I’m not looking forward to it in the slightest if I’m honest I don’t want to do it but avoiding it will not help and make it worse in the long run. I can but hope the tax people don’t tell me that because I’m not making a lot of money to get another job and to close the business. Because although I have no issue with working I don’t want to go on jobseekers, or any other benefit where I don’t actually get to do work. I have had people sayvthatbi would qualify for certain benefits because of my health issue, but I don’t want that. I want to be able to hoop until it hurts, I want to be able to perform to crowds, go to festivals, have fun in the park with the kids and have the chance to earn money myself, all of which I wouldn’t be able to do. That doesn’t sound like much of a life to me, having to watch what I do Incase I go against the conditions of the benefit.
So off I go to make a start…. First things first, put the kettle on and another pair if socks as two and my slippers are not working as its currently 4 degrees in the house, no sun to warm it up today, small boy is poorly so is home. It makes me sad that the temperature in the house means he’s more susceptible to illness and recovery takes longer, so he’s tucked up in bed with a book.