Small boy has been at his fathers now for several days and won’t be back until Wednesday. Usually I use this time to catch up on house work, other work, sleep and going out with My other half if he’s off taking photos and visiting new places.
Things are different this time though as I’m trying to learn how to relax and do things that I want to do that isn’t related to work. Sure I could sit and make things .. I do enjoy it but it is still work
I could sort my room out which I don’t really mind but again it’s house work stuff.
With finances & the weather, going out to take photos isn’t an option so what do we do?
We do not have that much in common, he’s a movie fan, love computer games heck computers in general. I on the other hand … Well that’s the point I do not have a clue what I like that doesn’t revolve around being a mum and work.
I’m not really into reading for pleasure, and sitting down watching movies that are longer than an hour and a half isn’t appealing, I really have to be in the mood to watch a movie in general. I’m in bed between half eight and half nine just because I want the day to end as its just so boring once small boy is in bed. I do spend a lot of time In my head which I guess is how I can sit in front of the TV for hours, it’s not because I really enjoy it but I so t have to follow anything or pay attention, i can just stay in my head and think. While others think i’m ok. That is all I have done over the past few days though and let me tell you it’s shite and very depressing. I don’t have anyone to talk things over with as such, I’m stuck in a huge rut and can not see a way to get out of it.
I’m socially awkward, very socially awkward so do not go around to the few friends I have, I don’t seem to know how to react, what to talk about and never give my opinion on things as that usually ends up with negativity or me coming off as a complete snob with her head up her arse. So if I do go around anywhere I usually just sit and observe.
I’m broke so anything I come up with doing has to cost nothing, not even travel money, of course going out to take photos and geo caching is great but very weather dependant
For those thinking “what did you do before children?!” My answer isn’t a very positive one. This time 19 years ago I was getting ready for the birth of my eldest, I’m 36 but to save you doing the maths I was 16 when I found out I was to be a mum. Before that time my life wasn’t the best of experiences.
So here I’m sat in between the floods of tears trying to work out how I am going to solve this one and feeling bad for my other half who is stuck with a girlfriend who isn’t exactly fun.
If your a parent what do you do to keep you having a sense of self? I’m great in roles, whether it be mother, or as a self employed artist, performer or therapist.
There has to be something other than waking up and counting down the hours until bed time as I’m wrecking precious time that I should be spending enjoying rather than crying.