Three days ago I went to the Dr about my rise in issues with my health. My back is worse than it was, I know winter doesn’t help with the cold weather but I’m in constant pain with it, my shoulder, left arm, right hip my the list could go on.
I know there is nothing they can do about it so put up and shut up most of the time but recently my left arm cramps and seizes up without warning while always feeling heavy, my back is constantly cold and well I’m not sleeping properly because of the discomfort. Small boy has to help me get dressed/undressed at time as well as helping me out a lot more than usual especially with carrying things.
I went for an MRI a couple of weeks ago and Wednesdays appointment was to discus the results. What I don’t like about the Dr I see is the fact he pre judges you the minute you walk in. His tone is less than desirable and is the same Dr that told me there was nothing ‘wrong’ with small boy, that he should spend less time on games consoles and could do with rules and boundaries at home. Of course I went to another Dr who then referred him to CAMHS and consequently an informal diagnosis of ASD Aspergers was confirmed.
Needless to say this is why I call my Dr, Dr Balagofuckyourself.
I was met with the same judgmental attitude the minute I walked through the door. I explained what had been said last time I went to see the back specialist years ago, that I do my physio everyday still, eat healthy and keep very active, or at least try to be. I also pointed out that I don’t like taking pain killers because they render me useless. I pointed out that the reason why I was back at the Dr’s because my health issues are impacting on my life in negative ways and I don’t like it. It was then he asked ” So what is it that you do” in a very patronising way. My reply was simple “run my own business as a therapist, artist and a performer, single mum and home educate my son, I have a full working garden that needs lots of work on it” I kid you not, his eye widened and relied “oh”
Yes that’s right Dr Balagofuckyourself I’m not here to get a sick note and I’m not claiming jobseekers, I want to be active and don’t like not being able to do the things I need and want to do.
To his credit he quickly changed his tone. He explained that I was having symptoms if someone in chronic pain and that my symptoms are a sign of pain transference. He’s sent me away with paracetamol and diclofenac as well as a little blue pill called Amitriptyline for my sleep and apparently is something they give to people with chronic pain to help them get on with life. He said to come back in a couple of week for a follow up appointment. I said that I wanted to see the specialist again and was told there was no need and to give the meds a go. I walked out feeling quite good about what had been said etc. I figure I can go back if needed.
The blue pill does make me sleep but this morning I feel as though I have been drinking. The paracetamol and diclofenac isn’t touching the pain and I’d rather not take them if they are not going to work. But back to the blue pills, they are a fucking antidepressant. I’m not happy about this at all, yes they help me sleep but I’m not taking them now I’ve found this out. I feel completely betrayed by the Dr, I’ve not been on meds like this for 8 years because I don’t like taking antidepressants and certainly do not need them.
I’m going to be going back to the Dr but will have to wait until I can get an appointment with another Dr