We’ve all been there haven’t we? Whether or not you mean to but you all know the look I’m on about… Nooooo not the London look !! The look of “goodness that parent needs to control that child” or other looks of parental judgment.
Today I took small boy into town, nothing new there but it gets a little more interesting when I point out that small boy is In hyper sensitive mood. Basically his senses are on over drive, things can be too bright, too loud and the slightest thing can set him off on melt down but we needed things and Its not Fair to leave him at home.
Now as there are no physical signs that small boy is a special edition so I’ve become very use to the judgmental looks, heck I get odd looks anyway and generally people Judge the way I look and link it with my ability to parent or lack of ability to parent I guess. I get comments all of the time from people who do not seem to have the intelligence to even grasp the concept that he may just be wired differently to other kids. These Parents are usually the ones swearing at their own children too.
What people don’t understand is that he doesn’t have the understanding to follow social norms or rules, every where we go I have to prepare him for that situation, explain the different social rules of that place and pick and choose my battles. If he’s running around the pedestrian zone part of town the world Isn’t going to end, if we go inside a shop for example then the rules change and he’s getting there in remembering different rules but he still needs regular prompts especially as his impulses are high so I have to be constantly on guard.
A good example came today while having lunch, he was really looking forward to his bacon, sausage and egg batch. Nothing unusual there, as we were sat down I explained that it was restaurant rules but what I forgot to tell him was the batches were different from what he was use to.
For those a little confused this is a batch
And before I get inundated with comments on this I shall say I fully understand that you may call it something else but in put town anything that isn’t a loaf is called a batch. Lol hotdog batches, crusty batches, burger batches … You get the idea?!
Back to the small boys batch … It was a soft flowery one, not really suitable for the amount he had on it. This wasn’t met with the usual joy he gets with food
He doesn’t make a choice to react like this and he has to learn that life will give him situations that he is not prepared for and its my job as his parent to help him learn ways of coping. Yet people insist on giving me ‘advice’ which I knows comes from a good place but I wish they didn’t as it doesn’t help especially in the middle of a situation or even worse when they do it underneath their breath to each other, that’s just within ear shot. The “it’s just a batch” comments mixed with the glares followed by “needs to be taught manners” makes me want to actually bounce heads off tables, instead I ignore them and carry on.
It of course needed sauce
Lots of sauce possibly not as much as was first intended but the nozzle hadn’t been cut straight so came out at an angle, of course this meant trying to judge which angle from the plate and how much pressure to Squeeze It for the sauce to reach the food. Yes it also got the table ! This was met by tutting, lots of tutting but I was too preoccupied with trying to minimise mess that I didn’t respond. Next came the actual eating
It wasn’t working well so instead of a melt down he asked me for cutlery, this may not seem big but for him it was and the rest if the meal went down quite well ignoring the ” what’s the point in asking for a batch if he’s not going to eat it?” Comments
Then at clear up time small boy helped, its only fair that he does because someone else cooked it and I paid, only thing is he saw a rolled up bit of napkin before me meaning it suddenly became a projectile and the lady who made a comment involving “a smack” was very close to receiving one directly from this mamma bear. I shall of course explain to the guy who owns the place another day.
The rest of the trip into town was ok, lots of other comments about his escapades but it wasn’t end of the world stuff ….. Besides he’s an awesome kid and makes me laugh
He’s still not 100% his usual self as today he heard lots of comments that shouldn’t of been said, you see what people don’t understand is that he hasn’t been able to learn social rules or norms because his brain won’t let him do so at the same speed as others, he has the intelligence to understand this to a certain degree but what gets him down is the frustration at himself. He can’t understand why he is the way he is, there has to be a reason a logical one at that as this is also a part of how he understands the world. This frustration builds up in his head until he comes to the conclusion that he is a naughty kid and that this is how hard his life is going to be forever. He’s 12 and already thinks there is “no point”
So I leave you with this …. Next time you decide to judge a child or parent think to yourself “do I know the full story?” “Could it be that this child is a special edition kid too?” Or even better just don’t judge us in the first place, smile perhaps? Or is that asking too much?