Last night saw a very long night, longer than usual as small boy was very unsettled. its part of his pattern. He had been really sensitive all afternoon and evening but got a lot worse just as he was settling down to sleep. He says the man in his head has it in for him, that he always makes him angry and makes him think of nothing but nasty things. At the moment we are trying to figure out if this ‘man’ is part of his own thinking, like his anti Jeremy cricket so to speak, he’s always been there but with small boy being the way he is its hard to understand if him separating ‘the man’ is part of how he deals with things as he tends to compartmentalise everything anyway as a coping strategy or if its having a greater impact and its now starting to be more of a struggle for him lol
So last night started with the question of “why am i stupid? why cant i be like everyone else? why me?” not the best frame of mind for anyone to try and go to sleep with. He then started psyching himself out, he gets anxious about getting anxious and it goes all down hill from there. He gets angry with himself and nothing I can say at the time makes any difference and the only option I have is to sit there and support him through it. It’s important for him to verbalise his feelings and for him to see that I am listening without telling him he is wrong ( that leads to him getting angry which makes it worse) So I tell him I understand that he feels like that, tell him that in my opinion he is a fantastic young man, and then try and help him through the moment. 50 min we were sat up for calming the situation or at least trying to. there were ups and downs and for the first time in 4 months
self harmed, it was out of pure frustration with his head and as I was there only managed to hit himself a couple of times before I could hold his hands and take him through some breathing exercises. It’s important that he doesn’t see me getting upset because then it makes him feel bad and even worse than he does at the time.
Once calmer we started talking, he’s after reasons for why he is the way he is so I explained that its how he was born and how the universe wanted him to be because even though right at this moment it may not feel like it but he is in fact an awesome kid. Also pointing out that it won’t always been this over whelming for him, that it doesn’t help that he has teenage hormones kicking in. He cant see the end of ever feeling like it, non of us can let’s face it when we are feeling like that so we started talking about his free running. Once upon a time he couldn’t do any of it, he knew what he wanted to do and practiced and practiced and never have in. The incident a while back when he got stuck in the tree also proved helpful. He wanted to do something, got scared, then got frustrated because he was scared. I was there to help him through it to support him and we did it together, he wasn’t on his own and he’s not on his own in all this just like he wasn’t on his own then. Then i reminded him that he can now climb and jump down from the tree even though he still gets scared a little bit but the more he does it the less scared he will be each time. This made him smile and you could see that he was thinking about what i was saying.
The subject of why he was like this came up again, why does he get scared, why does he behave the way he does and how come I’m not like it, I explained I got scared and that I had to learn how to handle emotions too. He didn’t think adults got scared bless him.
He then decided that it was my fault as i made him! i made his toes, his arms, his noes, etc etc and Made his brain. He then paused and with a serious look decided to point out that I must of made his brain last and got tired after making the rest of him so didn’t do a proper job. Charming!! But that gave me the opportunity for humour. A huge helper in any situation. It was decided that I’d obviously just gone “sod it I’m going for a cuppa” that made him giggle and it wasn’t too long before his mood had gone from really down to down right daft. He was also very tired and the slightest thing made him giggle including taking the mic out of me for being so tired, it was gone 11 after all. He said “I love you mum” which turned into saying as many words as he could that rhymed with mum … And ended up with him declaring I’m Funny bum nun.
He managed to calm down and I sat with him while he relaxed into sleep but during the night he was really unsettled during the night and needed tucking in and comforting a good dozen times at least.
So this morning I’m getting ready for fall out, I have plenty of coffee and am planning on making him yummy food and an easy day. I have no idea what mindset he’s going to be in when he wakes up so its going to be a day of tender hooks as the slightest thing will set him off. The trick is not to feed into his fears or get into arguments but when he feels like this he is certain he’s a bad kid, that he is stupid and nothing I say seems to work. Deep breathing for me all day it is.
I’m exhausted I won’t lie, I wish I had a magick wand to wave over him so he didn’t feel like this, I feel helpless and the drizzly grey weather seems to sum up the energies in the house right now too.
Well he’s up, and all I can say is wish me luck, he’s very very down, low on energy and still hyper sensitive …
What do you find helps in a situation like this?