I miss the days where I use to have company on a Tuesday from a like minded friend, I miss having like minded friends in general,you know the ones not in my phone or iPad actual people to sit with a talk about the ‘hippie’ stuff with. In the real world I am surrounded mainly by people who just ‘don’t get it’ or they are young and things take more explaining which I do not mind doing I just miss those that go “ohhh I know exactly what you mean” and start telling you their story of experience …… I think this is why I am feeling lonely.
Of course I am still on the hunt for answers and solutions as to why I am feeling this way again. I really don’t want it to be my relationship because that man has my heart, I can’t talk to him because he takes things as a personal attack and he automatically goes on the “I’m never in the wrong it you” defensive. I am very good with my words using terms such as “…….. Make me feel ……” Or “when …….. Happens my brain thinks …….. And it makes me feel ………” I don’t turn my feelings Into fact because they are not. I am perfectly capable of staying calm, explaining how I am feeling and how different feelings make me feel but it doesn’t seem to matter all he hears is “you do ….. Wrong” “you’re not good enough” etc etc etc
This bank holiday weekend was horrible, he had time off yet no time was spent doing anything together because I wasn’t well and not handling things too well. So I go even more into myself and just end up hoping things will change even though they appear to be reverting to how things use to be.
This week there is so much on my ta-da list maybe things will get clearer once I have them and all the work done and dusted?