It has been a while since I’ve done one and you need not worry it isn’t going to be another long post …. My day is full of stuff that I have to do to be able to sit here for hours running down on everything that has been going on. It hasn’t been good and my eldest is not stopping here at the moment again.
Being a mum and having to make these decisions sucks beyond belief and I don’t expect my son or his friends to understand it after all did any of us understand our parents decisions when we were young adults? So for now I am being talking about, slagged off and hated. Le sigh. He needs to get to the stage in life where he starts to listen to his inner truths and make effort with his life choices, they are not mine to make and he is almost 21.
What it does mean though is that things at home can start to calm down and focused, especially with the not so small boy, who is now taller than me!! He’s been out of sync for quite some time, as has our routine and any plans proving problematic, I feel as though I have had to make a choice between which child to concentrate on, which I haven’t but my youngest is almost 14 so has to be my priority.
Business/work hasn’t happened at all for a few months because of how it had been at home, resulting in no money being made, which adds more stress to every day life, which results in me not able to cope and so the cycle carries on until I am a mess, the house is a mess, routines are a mess and I have to start over.
My plan is to have a regroup this weekend and a proper think about things. Good time as it’s the new moon tonight and I need to earn money.
So yes everything once again is a mess … Can the roundabout stop now please? I am that dizzy I feel really sick, my head hurts and my not too helpful internal voices are focusing on all the negatives making me feel as though I have failed at everything and will never get the life I want