Which can only mean one thing for me …. the dreaded darker nights.
The summer has pretty much not gone to plan at all this year, in fact all of my plans for the past year have not happened because life keeps throwing things at me that for some reason I let get in the way of the things I want to do. Ok so most of them I may not have much choice in but sure enough it is getting to the end of 2014 and I can help but feel as though this year has be robbed.
Everything has become a struggle, the year has not been kind and right now I am pretty much predicting a break down before the year is out. I am not coping with everything I have to do, I am not quite drowning just yet but am struggling for air.
My not so small boy is taller than me, his teenage hormones in full swing which does not mix with his ASD, his one to one has increased again and is of course my priority but when a simple task such as collecting his phone from his room is currently taking over half an hour, each day is long …. very very very long. It is very hard to see if there is any line between the natural ASD behaviour and that of a teenager, the hormones are making his reactions even more unpredictable and I have noticed my tone has changed that everything I say to him is now in the form of a question …. like Australians ….. le sigh.
People try and help with him but they are still pretty much of the thought he thinks like a ‘normal’ child and can do something to change it. when the truth is he gets just as frustrated about how he reacts as we do. The thing most people are forgetting is that by saying “you are old enough to know better, I have told you about this before, how come you have not learnt yet ….” etc just makes him worse because there is nothing quite like rubbing in the fact he isn’t ‘normal’
I am also not coping because my hormones are all over the place too, what with the super full moon this evening and being premenopausal my usual calm hippie self is being replaced by someone who is fed up of having to repeat the same things over and over and over again, that to get any help I have to nag or simply put up and shut up. the slightest thing is starting to annoy me that didn’t as much before. Like why am I the only one capable of noticing the bins are full, that rubbish goes straight in the bin and not on the side for someone else to do. That something needs cleaning, picked up off the floor, dusting etc etc etc. It is driving e nuts that with everything I do in the day it seems to be taken for granted even though I am trying to run three businesses, home ed, run a household and not to mention the garden. I can not help but think it would be different if I was a full time teacher working in a school (yes I know I am actually a full time teacher) or do any of the jobs I do outside the home. For some unknown reason I feel that because I am in the house 24-7 that it is presumed that I have time to do all of this. “but you are writing a blog post, that isn’t work” I think differently. because I am my own brand essentially (which is odd) I have to keep up a presence online. Ok admittedly this blog is pretty much to stop me from actually receiving the sectioning I have avoided all my life but I hop you know what I mean. I like this place, I can rant away, empty my head and hopefully get some advice of my awesome friends.
Enough of this for now, It is lunch time and I have a schedule to keep and possibly more coffee to be consumed as I am currently running at 15 hour days and may have to make them longer t fit things in. So yeahhhhhhh burnt out here we come.