And I think I’ve reached my limit. Work wise I’m doing everything I can. I am trying not to judge this but it’s hard when you need money. My next payday is two days after Yule! So I am not going to get that last little money boost before the big day. It means really tight belts, tighter than before as £50 a week doesn’t go far and as long as the boy eats well that’s ok. I feel I’m going to be living off soup for that time. At least it’s healthy.
I now must concentrate on the house and gifts.
Gift wise there is going to be more hand made than ever before. It has to be this way if anyone is going to be getting anything. And the kids will have to have an IOU for the 23rd 😦 not ideal but I do know they will understand and they still have something to open on the 21st.
House wise I have no idea where I am going to start. My living room currently looks like this
I don’t like this feeling, I’ve never had a large budget but as every single spare bit of money has gone into my business and lots on educational materials for the not so small one.I’ve not had anything for anything else especially as rent, energy and other bills have increased, even though only small amounts on each it soon builds up.
Oh and in January my eldest turns 21! How the F did that happen so quickly? He’s a man and I’m trying to deal with the other feelings that come with this.
I am not full of joy like unusually am at this time of year but I’m taking the challenge of it with a heavy heart but strong shoulders. I am not going to be asking for help so I can avoid the disappointments of being let down by those who put themselves before anyone else no matter how much they see others break. They are entitled to do this, after all it is their lives, their choice and not my place to judge. I am doing my best not to have a break down, not to shout or shut down completely as I can’t, I have responsibilities and loved ones relying on the fact I am going to be able to pull it off again regardless.