I’ve not been well, I’m still not well and it all started with the blooming cold I got a month ago. I can not believe this time last month I was at the start of our week of adventure with my youngest off to Wales for a week and not yet subjected to the germs from my other half. In the past month I caught a cold, got food poisoning,then came the cold sores followed by blisters in my mouth and oral candidiasis. Ive been feeling more tired than usual, have no energy or enthusiasm for the past two weeks either, last week saw mother nature turn up with gusto knocking me off my feet for 6 days with the added help from the pain killers. This week has started with me still treating the candidiasis as I have been doing for two weeks now and it is supposed to be getting better!! It isn’t.
Now I have a few ways to look at this. There is of course the “it is part of your experience and the negativity and toxins that have been building up are finally being released” voice, there is also the “this is a sign you have been pushing yourself too far and not looking after yourself properly, especially with regards to your diet” my head mainly flits from these two but there is also the “serves yourself right for thinking things would go smoothy and you could actually ever have things go smoothly” …. this latter voice isn’t helped as my financial breather was short lived as the council are now making more demands for rent and council tax … which is going up in the next financial year too. *le sigh* So I am Yet again having to redo my budgets and find another plan to move me forwards to where I want to be, which is weighing heavily on my mind as I am still struggling to find the energy to something other than curl up and ignore the world….. draw and sleep.
What I am actually doing is taking things a day at a time. I am just about managing to keep things on track at home, bills being paid, food on the table, home ed but other that that it has all gone wonky. I have all of my art work out from anything to do with Art Alert and do not have any current plans of putting my work back in their control. I have never really felt as though the other artists have given me any respect and this came to a head last week when on collecting some of my art i found it had just been all put together, loose in a plastic bag, heavy things on delicate things and with half of it missing. I found the rest of my stock and made sure it got home in one piece. The whole situation with them is both heart breaking and frustrating. They have helped be a platform for my work, have really pushed to have the charity/community arts project build momentum even down to the ‘pop up gallery’ How ever I find it is now an elitist group trying to turn it the same as other galleries and art projects, they do not seem to have time or care about those of us who do not have a lot of money and the nail on the head of 40% sales commission just got my blood boiling especially as the ‘gallery’ is set out more like a charity shop on the inside and out. It is nothing like the pop up galleries and artisan bespoke boutiques found around the country. (which also do not charge sales commission but instead rent out space, a much better way of doing it as far as I am concerned Oh and also speak to you in a nicer way than I get spoken to from a high majority of the members). I am hoping I have not burnt bridges with my other contacts, work wise I have not been on top of the ball. I have missed two big selling days, let a couple of people down with regards creating things other than jewellery. I made a start and then gave in to head crap and tiredness. I also have the one festival in the summer to prepare for but I am going to have to go back on getting myself off the reliance of the government in order to get by in life. Yes it is something I have always wanted to do but never actually managed it, not even in so called ‘normal’ jobs. I have had a couple of ideas that I am going to look into, funding may be an issue, I may have to look into the kick starter sites once the business plans have been put together. The only issue being my trust in others. I have been burnt so many times by various people for one reason or another and I am not too sure how I feel about putting trust into other people to help my career move forward but I also know if I try and keep doing things myself I will end up making myself Ill….or will I? Aghhhhhhhhhhhhhh *head explodes*